Review of Stephen Kozeniewski’s “Hunter of the Dead”
Hunter of the Dead does its best to shed new light into vampire mythology with a story spanning the ages from the early days of vampires and the inquisitors who wage a constant war with them to today, when a strange monster, shrouded in mystery, has come forth, slaying both vampires and inquisitors alike.
The story passes through multiple time periods, flashing back into the history of characters both significant and petty, while the main story focuses on events occuring in present day Las Vegas. Cicatrice, the strongest immortal in the world and leader of the most powerful house of vampires, is locked in a war with all other rival houses, including house Signari, led by Father Otto, Cicatrice’s greatest rival. Cicatrice has just found his true heir, Idi Han, a freshly turned but incredibly powerful young vampire who shows remarkable skills and control over her powers. We are also introduced to Nico Salazar, night manager of a convenience store who is thrust into the world of night dwellers when his store gets attacked by a strange, vampire-like creature and only by luck and the assistance of an employee does he manage to survive. It turns out that his ragged compatriot is Carter Price, an inquisitor who looks like he’s been run through mill a few too many times to be classified as much of a vampire slayer.
There is a lot going on in this story, with the authors own unique take on the world of vampires and immortality being shared on its pages. Kozeniewski does bring some fresh takes to the genre, with his own brand of dark humor steeped in heavy doses of gore drenched horror. The main characters are solidly developed-in particular Idi Han-the young vampire whose powers are growing at a far more rapid rate than normal, along with her resentment toward being seen as some sort of savior of her kind. Also intriguing is Carter Price, the washed out, rough and tumble inquisitor that likes to go it alone in a profession that typically requires massive teamwork to survive given how much power immortals wield.
This story is jam packed with characters and flashbacks that lend a healthy appreciation for the history of the immortal bloodlines and the wars they’ve waged with one another and humankind. The advantage with that is that the story moves at a very fast clip-there is very little downtime in its pages. Unfortunately, this also means that some of the flesh on its bones I would have liked to have seen within the pages is hard to find. This is a tale that could have been further developed with a much larger work, or perhaps sliced into multiple novels about the diverse characters populating its pages. The Hunter, a malignant and yet fascinating monster, could have garnered for more pages and storyline here, but so to could have Idi Han, Cicatrice, and Carter Price. It is clear that there is more to tell with each of them and given that the author has left the door open for a sequel (or a series of books), perhaps we will see a great deal more of each of them in later works.
Overall, the writing here, as is typically the case with Kozeniewski, is rock solid. He knows how to weave a creative, darkly funny, and diabolical tale. Perhaps it isn’t much of a criticism that his story could have been more fleshed out-after all, leaving the audience wanting more isn’t the worst sin in the world.
Hunter of the Dead can be found here: https://www.amazon.com/Hunter-Dead-Stephen-Kozeniewski/dp/1944044310/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1491760206&sr=8-1&keywords=hunter+of+the+dead
“Zombies Galore” has been released!
I shared not too long ago that a short story of mine had been sitting in limbo for years. Originally intended for an anthology that was never published, it went through several gyrations with other potential homes and publishers. Long story short, my self-help guide for the Apocalyptically-challenged has arrived and appears in the “Zombies Galore” anthology, just released this week by Knightwatch Press. It appears with several other tales of zombie goodness that are definitely worth checking out for those who craving for the undead is only equaled by the undead’s craving for living flesh. Well, and even those who aren’t quite that hungry. My contribution is a guide book rather than a short story, though it will regale the reader with exciting bits and pieces of stories of survivors who learned how to cope with both the flesheaters and warmbloods who tend to make themselves pests during the end days. So go on an check it out. I have posted two cover images below, because there are separate links for the kindle and paperback versions of this book. Just click on one or the other and it will shoot you over to Amazon where you can acquire this wondrous tome of zombie gory-goodness and guidance through the treacherous parts of the undead apocalypse. And here is a list of the contributors so you can see what you are in for:
- “Monday Matinee Madness” by H.G. Bleackley
- “Cinnamon Road” by A.A. Garrison
- “Son of Anubis” by Christian A. Larsen
- “The Seven Habits of Highly Successful Zombie Slayers” by Patrick D’Orazio
- “Pascal’s Wager” by David Johnson
- “Birthday Boy” by T. Fox Dunham
- “The Palace of Dead Rock Stars” by Theresa Derwin
- “Road Whore” by Timothy Frasier
- “Fire Team” by Al Halsey
- “The Dripping Nose That Wouldn’t Wipe” by James S. Dorr
- “The Last Line of Defence” by J.S. Lawhead
- “So They Ain’t Yankees” by Melanie Browne
- “Life Sentience” by Kaye Inglis
- “The Chicken in Black” by Nathan Robinson
- “Zombie: Death Day” by Johnny Andrews
- “Hungry” by Nicci Murphy
So give it a try. I think you’ll come back for seconds.
Zombies Galore-Kindle Link
Zombies Galore Paperback link
Review of Jack Icefloe Jackson’s “Romance For Men: Pandora’s Box”
Romance For Men: Pandora’s Box introduces the reader to the author and main character, Jack Icefloe Jackson, who is, without a doubt, one of the most vile, depraved, wretched human beings ever to exist on this planet. He is also irremediably raunchy, sleazy, and worse than the worse excrement to ever walk upright. With that said, this story of his exploits is satire at its most debase and hilarious. Not meant for the squeamish or anyone with taste, this book explores Jack’s adventures as a newly assigned agent for the United States Government responsible for saving the world. You see, Jack has a unique set of skills that no man has ever had in the history of the universe. Jack is short, fat, bald, and gross. He also has a penchant for throwing dynamite at anyone who annoys him. All this plus the fact that he treats every woman as nothing better than a resting place for one of his, uh, appendages, makes him scum. But his seemingly unnatural talents makes him the one person who can unlock the code to Pandora’s Box, which threatens to destroy the world if left unsatisfied.
Yep, I managed to avoid actually saying anything too offensive in the above paragraph that is even remotely on par with the graphic nature of this book. So let me be clear. This book is sick, disgusting, and with the right frame of mind, hilarious. Jack is a parody of a parody of the concept of men as pigs. This is satire mixed with sarcasm mushed together with huge dollops of parody. Read it with this in mind and you may survive the reading, though chances are you won’t make it out unscarred. You might go blind too, or at the very least suffer from a rash that even the strongest penicillin won’t be able to get rid of.
This is a quick read, laugh out loud funny, although you will probably be far too embarrassed to do so anywhere near anyone of the female persuasion. Letting a woman you love or even remotely care about know you are reading this book might get you banished from nooky-land for the rest of eternity. So my friends, tread carefully when you read this tome of wondrous knowledge. Oh, and make sure you wash your hands after you do so, because you are gonna feel dirty after touching this book…even if you get it on the kindle. You may have to sterilize the device to get it to work again properly.
Romance For Men: Pandora’s Box can be found here: http://www.amazon.com/Romance-For-Men-Pandoras-Volume/dp/0990381315/ref=tmm_pap_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1407946592&sr=8-1
Review of Jaime Johnesee’s “Bob The Zombie”
Bob The Zombie is a short story that reads more like the first chapter of a much larger tale, and given the fact that the author has already produced a sequel, it is clear that this is destined to become something of a serialized saga of this Griswoldian zombie.
Bob is a hapless zombie who was killed in a tragically comedic way and was brought back to life at the request of his mother, who didn’t realize he would come back as a rotting version of himself that needs to staple various body parts back on when they fall off, which they do with great frequency. Bob has made new friends-others like himself who lives on the edges of society. Zombies aren’t like the slobbering Romero monsters here. They do need meat to continue their undead existence, but they tend to refrain from chowing down on humans.
There is a flavor of urban fantasy to this tale. Zombies aren’t the only supernatural characters. Though mostly just hinted at, there are plenty of other beasties out there, including vamps, mermaids, and ghouls. What is the difference between ghouls and zombies you ask? Well, zombies have free will, whereas ghouls are controlled by the witch who brought them back to life. And if they don’t rein them in every now and then, they tend to go all Night of the Living Dead on humans. That particular nugget plays a part in this brief tale, but again, this short reads more like the introduction to a longer story, including hints of what is to come.
So the main thing to keep in mind if you choose to take the plunge and give Bob The Zombie a try is that there is much more to the story, and unless I missed my guess, we will be getting it in single short story installments for some time to come. Bob is a likable character and it’s clear there is more to learn about him as well as the rest of his not-so-menacing horde of buddies.
Bob The Zombie can be found here: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00D0VPURO/ref=cm_cr_ryp_prd_img_sol_0
Review of Timothy Long’s “At the Behest of the Dead”
Phineas Cavanaugh is a hack Necromancer living near Seattle who scrapes by tracking down lost souls or by occasionally helping the police out with a murder investigation. He left his guild pretty much in shame a few years back and has had a hard knock life ever since. Things start to get interesting when he is hired to seek out the lost soul of an elderly woman’s dead husband and a demon tries to devour him in a park while on the job. At the same time the police call upon his services to track down a vicious shape shifter who seems to know Phineas and might just be hunting him as well.
Things get worse from there as Phineas’s old mentor is attacked and brutally murdered at his guild and he is called upon to return to his old stomping grounds to figure out what has happened by attempting to speak to his departed friend’s soul. That is when all hell breaks loose, literally. Phineas is thrust into a mystery where old enemies and friends are drawn into the fray with him smack dab in the middle. He has to figure out what is going on and what part he is supposed to play before demons and the dead alike tear their way into our plane of existence and destroy everything that Phineas cares about.
At The Behest Of The Dead is told in first person and one can’t help but be reminded of noir detective potboilers with its urban sensibilities and snarky attitude. Phineas is a self-effacing schlub with a good heart even if he does work with the dead and rubs elbows with demons and other questionable sorts. It has a bit of Simon Green’s Nightside going for it, as well as Glenn Cook’s Garrett Files. Urban fantasy with as much irreverence as mystery, with a bit of romance tossed in for good measure. And Phineas, like other hard luck P.I-types, seems to attract the attention of the ladies despite perhaps looking and acting like he has been ridden hard and put away wet most of the time. Even though he has rough edges (or maybe because he does), Phineas is a likable sort, making his tale easy to read and entertaining.
Tim Long stretches himself beyond the zombie apocalyptic genre he normally haunts with this one, although he gives a winking nod to his roots with a few zombies showing up, though they are not anywhere near being a critical part of the telling of this tale. He has crafted an interesting world with the magical elements fantasy fans will appreciate while putting his own slant on things, making this world his and his alone. The characters are interesting and diverse enough to make them stand out and I can imagine some pretty intriguing adventures in their future. A fun read that has excellent potential as the start of an enjoyable series of books.
At The Behest Of The Dead can be found here: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00EZCXA9M/ref=cm_cr_thx_view
Review of Richard Johnson’s “Dead Drunk”
Dead Drunk provides the reader with a different take on surviving the zombie apocalypse. Often times the moral of the story when it comes to apocalyptic fiction is that the screw ups tend to get their comeuppance. Someone might have some dumb luck and avoid getting slaughtered right away, but for the most part, if you are a coward, an imbecile, or a callous, crass, self-absorbed fool you either wise up right away, transform into some sort of crony to the chief bad guy, or die in a very gruesome and often satisfying way, presuming that the author has made you despise said person throughout the tale.
In Dead Drunk we are introduced to Charlie and his band of misfit friends. Most of them are thirty-something slackers who are horny, drunk, drug addled party boys focused on little more than where they can get their next buzz. Some of us remember guys like these from college-or at least our first year of college, before many of them flunked out. Of course, Charlie does have some friends who are responsible adults who like to have fun every now and then, and that is where our story begins. One of Charlie’s more responsible buddies is getting married and that is an excuse for a rager of a bachelor party. Things get wild, of course, but it isn’t until the next day, when everyone is nursing their hangovers that the real party begins.
An infection has spread through Chicago, where the story takes place, and suddenly people are chomping on one another, spreading whatever infection has caused them to crave human flesh and go completely nutso. Charlie and his friends hunker down in his rundown apartment, trying to figure out how to survive with minimal food but a whole lot of booze.
This story is a mix of traditional zombie survival and crazy party-boy lunacy, with a rogues gallery of characters that most of us would find hard to like, except perhaps if you are in that period of life where getting drunk, trying to get some action, and being permanently buzzed supersedes all else. Certainly, the author does a commendable job of showing hints of maturity among the group and slivers of humanity amongst them. Charlie shows signs of becoming a better man and Big Rob, one of his best friends, for all his oafishness, is probably the best person of the lot. It helped prevent me from rooting for the demise of all of them from the beginning.
Of course, this is an amusing book, not meant to be taken too seriously. I didn’t go in expecting there to be an emotional attachment to any of the characters, though a few were formed and there were a few touching moments buried in a sea of booze, bongs, and boners that reside within its pages. The writing is solid and the humor rude. So if you are someone who easily offended or doesn’t appreciate the humor of movies like The Hangover, this probably isn’t for you. But if you enjoy low-brow comedy mixed in with your zombie gore on occasion, give this one a shot.
Dead Drunk can be found here: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00C6AGNM6/ref=cm_cr_thx_view
Review of P.A. Douglas’s “Killer Koala Bears From Another Dimension”
Killer Koala Bears From Another Dimension is a throwback to the days of classic monster movies. When teenagers Tim and Joana do a little experimenting with a few strange rocks in a farmer’s field, the results are far from what they expected.
Tim just wants to escape his small, backwoods town and go someplace, anyplace, else. Joana, along for the ride but not very thrilled with her goth boyfriend and his timewasting experiment, is just as surprised as he is when dimensional rifts start showing up around town and strange humanoid shapes step out, loaded for bear (pardon the pun) and armed to the teeth with spears and knives. But whatever illusions they have that this is all just some bad dream changes when everyone around them ends up getting gutted and dined upon by the fury interlopers from another dimension.
Yep, the author went there. I have to believe he sat down one night and thought about what creature on earth is probably the most cuddly, cute, and adorable and dared himself to turned them into human flesh craving lunatics. Next thing you know, he’ll be writing about zombie-Teletubbies or vampire puppies.
Don’t get me wrong. As outrageous the idea that the nemesis of the Tim, Joana, and Frank (another desperate survivor) being humanoid shaped, spear-wielding koala bears, the author does a good job of filling these ravenous creatures with plenty of menace. These bears have teeth. Sure, the whole concept seems a bit silly, and most of the characters in the book are a bit taken aback by the idea of giant fuzzy bears coming through dimensional rifts ready to maim everything in sight, but the story is a fun, interesting race against time for the survivors. All they can do is to try and figure out a way out of this hell scape filled with deadly ursine enemies before the whole town is massacred.
Overall the story goes down pretty smooth. I perhaps grew a little weary of Joana’s repeated interludes of idle lines of thought that seemed to distract from the story a bit, and the ending seemed to shift gears a little bit surprisingly with the final reveal, but nothing was too out of phase with the rest of this blood-saturated adventure into teddy bear nightmares.
This is a fun one. Goofy and gruesome at the same time…I doubt I’ll ever look at a koala bears the same again.
Killer Koala Bears From Another Dimension can be found here: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0987476556/ref=cm_cr_thx_view
Come soon…Tall Tales with Short Cocks Volume 3, featuring a short story by moi!
Yep, I did it again. I’ve returned to the bizarro world with my offering to the folks over at Rooster Republic Press…which is their new name. It’s their new name, because they had a different name when I was in Tall Tales with Short Cocks Volume 2, not so very long ago. But I’m happy they accepted my humble little tale about family dysfunction “Hell in the Family” that appears in Tall Tales with Short Cocks Volume 3, regardless of their name. It should be available for mass consumption on February 26th, right around the time Comes The Dark reveals itself in paperback and in audio book format. So it is a great double whammy for me.
I’m looking forward to being apart of another wild and raunchy compendium of screwed up stories about screwed up things. While I can’t speak to what the other authors have contributed and what strange topics they have dived into, my story is my own take on the ever popular nerdy vampire sub genre. Well, just because you haven’t heard of this sub genre doesn’t mean it isn’t popular. Well, it might still be a bit of an underground revolution in the making, but I swear it’s gonna be huge someday!
So I’ll be sure to add links once the book is available for purchase, but for now, feast your eyes on the very shiny, purty cover of this latest edition of Tall Tales with Short Cocks.
Arthur Graham interviews me over on the Bizarro Press Blog
Arthur Graham, fellow author and editor for Tall Tales with Short Cocks Volume 2, for which I wrote a science fiction comedy story called “The Interstellar Quest for Snack Cakes”, took the time out to interview me about my story, about zombies, and about all sorts of strange things. Okay, I admit it-his questions weren’t all that strange, just my answers. But please check it out at: http://bizarropress.wordpress.com/2012/11/29/patrick-dorazio/
Zombies Gone Wild is now available for the Kindle! Soon in paperback!
I’m proud to announce that Zombie’s Gone Wild, an anthology of wild and crazy zombie tales, including “What’s Eating You?” which is my twisted and disturbing saga of zombie comedy, is included within its pages. It hit the Kindle today, and will be available in paperback soon. Stay tuned-I’ll definitely keep everyone posted on that front. Just click on the cover below to be taken to where you can purchase this masterpiece of modern zombie horror and comedy.
Death is not the end…
“Zombies Gone Wild!” is a chilling collection of twenty-six stories from established authors as well as up-and-coming writers in the genre, with an opening poem from everyone’s favorite zombie. This anthology includes tales where the undead stand as a symbol of unification for a desperate world, where friends really are what you make them, and where new beginnings aren’t always a good thing.
The end is only the beginning…
Bizarre, humorous, and terrifying, “Zombies Gone Wild!” will satiate your hunger for zombie goodness.
But…but my story doesn’t have one of those in it! Well, maybe…
Okay, so I wrote this science fiction comedy story quite some time back for an anthology that never came out. It was, without a doubt, a strange piece of fiction. Perhaps not as strange as the piece I wrote for Houdini Gut Punch, a bizarro anthology, which is called “Consumer’s Paradise”, but then again, I wasn’t writing this piece in an attempt at something bizarro, just something wild, fun, and perhaps a bit…off. Which is what I came up with. And now it will be available via a new bizarro anthology that has been released entitled Tall Tales with Short Cocks, Volume 2 from Bizarro Press.
Okay, I get it. I read the first volume of this anthology series and the comments in many of the reviews said that there were very few…um, er, well, you know…naughty male bits…in any of the stories. And I was thinking that my particular story, which is entitled “The Interstellar Quest for Snack Cakes” has none of them in it either. But perhaps I shouldn’t speak so fast. There is a bit of untamed lasciviousness in my tale, primarily with a wide assortment of alien creatures. Nothing described in too much graphic detail, mind you, but it is there. Of course, if I thought I could sell a few more books by making it a bit more racy, I might have considered doing so. But hey, mixing comedy, science fiction, and erotica might just make a few folks heads explode, so I’ll keep things just where they are, with just the comedy and science fiction. Otherwise I might have been forced to call my story Barbarella.
Suffice it to say, this anthology will have some pretty weird tales in it. I read the first volume and there was plenty of horror, comedy, and some stuff that was just plane surreal, so my guess is that if you check this one out, you’ll get a nice assortment of whacked out crazy stuff mixed with some chills, thrills, and head scratches. And including in this bevy of the odd is my story, which the editor said was ‘not strictly not bizarro, but pretty f$%king bizarre’ which I take as a tremendous compliment and makes for a great tag line.
Click on the cover below to head to Amazon to purchase the kindle version of this book. Stay tuned for updates on the paperback version, coming soon!
My article over at Indie Inside has gone live!
I’d mentioned that I’d written a brief article for Pat Douglas, a fellow author, over on his website, http://indie-inside.com. It has gone live now, and I hope you’ll click on the full link and head on over there: http://indie-inside.com/the-joys-of-the-other-stuff-guest-blog-w-patrick-dorazio/. For anyone who has become a writer and believes that when they get published that they can just sit back and bask in the glory of being famous, this article is for you. It’s also for anyone else who ever wonders how you can get the word out on a writing project. Whether you self-publish, get with a smaller publisher, or manage to swing for the fences and get with one of the big publishers out of New York, much of the promotional work responsibility is in your own hands. There is tons you can do to help promote your stuff, and my article goes over just a small smidgen of that. So pleased check it out…it might make you cringe, but perhaps it will bring a smile to your face…because I tried to be funny (just a little bit-probably failed, but give me a B for effort).
Cover to “Zombies Gone Wild” Anthology released!
I’ve wanted to show off this wacky cover for some time, but it just became official. I don’t really have a good explanation for this anthology, as far as all the types of stories it includes, but I know that my story, “What’s Eating You?” is a pretty twisted and darkly comedic zombie tale not for the faint of heart or squeamish. So my guess is that since the publisher indicated that my tale was just the type they were looking for that this book is filled with a plethora of twisted and darkly comedic zombie tales. Well, you can look at the cover and see that much, right?
More details to come, as the table of contents should be released fairly soon for Zombies Gone Wild.
Review of David Houchins and Scot Thomas’ Zombie Apocalypse Preparation: How to Survive in an Undead World and Have Fun Doing It!
Zombie Apocalypse Preparation: How to Survive in an Undead World and Have Fun Doing It! is sort of the goofy alter ego of Max Brook’s Zombie Survival Guide, which kept a straight face throughout its overview of weaponry, tactics, location scouting, and other related areas of interest when dealing with the inevitable outbreak of zombie mayhem. These days, with people getting their faces eaten off, children rising up out of their coffins, and a veritable cornucopia of other events happening that hint at a possible zombie apocalypse, checking out a guide or two on undead preparedness is not a bad idea. ZAP, as this guide is called for short, provides an amusing approach to taking the steps necessary to insure you survive the end of the world not only with the goal of making it through alive, but making it through alive in style and with a smile on your face.
Parts of this book are fairly routine survivors fare, covering the topics of weapons, shelters, locations, vehicles, etc. But the author’s snappy commentary adds entertainment value to the routine evaluations of different options you have available. Pop culture references abound and while not all of them will resonate with everyone in their audience, many of them brought a smile to my face.
One of the key elements of this book that does stand out as different is the final section, where the authors have come up with a wide array of zombie-related games to pass the time for those bored with the everyday routine of survival during the undead apocalypse. The detailed drawings add punch to the outrageous descriptions given. I won’t spoil the fun by listing out these different pastimes, but suffice it to say that they take traditional games and some new and unique ideas for games and make versions that will keep you on your toes…with risk to that part of your anatomy as well as many others if you decide to play them with actual zombies.
Overall, this is an entertaining survival guide. I thought the comedy was a little light in certain sections, and the use of some references got a little redundant after a while, but overall, a well done, fun read for the dedicated and not-so-dedicated zombie fan alike.
Zombie Apocalypse Preparation: How to Survive in an Undead World and Have Fun Doing It! can be found here: http://www.amazon.com/Zombie-Apocalypse-Preparation-Survive-Undead/dp/1618680269/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1339221769&sr=1-1
Before Plan 9: Plans 1-8 From Outer Space is now available on Amazon!
I’m proud to announce that Before Plan 9: Plans 1-8 From Outer Space has been released and is available over on Amazon. This book details those first plans where the aliens tried to prevent humanity from destroying the universe before their infamous raising of the dead experiment documented in the movie from Ed Wood Jr., Plan 9 From Outer Space. Tony Schaab has brought together a bunch of fantastic authors to tell the tales that record our interactions with the alien beings who are fearful we will invent the substance that has the power to ignite the sun and destroy us all. Certainly, their efforts with Plan 9 were a miserable failure, but what came before? What attempts did they make in our past to try and curb our lust for violence and destruction?
Check out Before Plan 9, which includes my retelling of the Odyssey, aka Plan 1. Just click on the book cover to be directed over to Amazon to get your copy today. Oh, and make sure you keep watching the skies, because the aliens are sure to return!
Here is the table of contents of this very fun and exciting new book:
Plan Zero from the Mesozoic Era by Tony Schaab
Plan 1 from the Lesser-Heralded Parts of The Odyssey by Patrick D’Orazio
Plan 2 from Ancient Egypt by D.A. Chaney
Plan 3 from the Middle Ages of Hamelin by Greg Carter
Plan 4 from the Clockwork Country by Tonia Brown
Plan 5 from the Depressing Depression by David Dunwoody
Plan 6 from the Nazi Regime by Rob Silvera
Plan 7 from Sin City by Jonathan Maberry
Plan 8 from the Fantastic Fifties, Phase 1 by Craig DiLouie
Plan 8 from the Fantastic Fifties, Phase 2 by Joe McKinney and Michael McCarty
Review of “MonsterMatt’s Bad Monster Jokes, Volume 1”
What can I really say about this book? It is well over a hundred pages of some of the most groan-inducing jokes about monsters and monster related topics I have ever seen. Not just jokes, but rhymes, raps, and song parodies. MonsterMatt does his best to make you want to stick a fork in your eye, and then, after you’ve gotten over the pain from such an agonizing injury, use your remaining good eye to read more of his jokes. I’m not really sure what kept dragging me back in for more, but I suppose part of it has to be the fact that there is no deception used here-no attempt to convince you, the reader, that any of these jokes will do any more or less than make you cringe at how pun-ishingly bad they are. Of course, if you are like me, and don’t try to take the world we live in too seriously all the time, there is a place for a book like this one. One that you can share with your kids and get them to moan and roll their eyes at you for telling them such bad jokes…ones that they might just tell their friends and not let you know that they did so.
You get everything from the classics: jokes about Dracula, Frankenstein, the Mummy, Wolfman…and jokes about some of the newer stuff out there, like True Blood, The Walking Dead, and movies like Dead Snow. Given that this book is entitled Volume 1, I fear that MonsterMatt is not finished, so be warned. The bad jokes apparently shall return to induce even more headaches and heartburn!
MonsterMatt’s Bad Monster Jokes, Volume 1 can be found here: http://www.amazon.com/MonsterMatts-Bad-Monster-Jokes-1/dp/1617060941/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1329709231&sr=1-1
Cover of “Before Plan 9: Plans 1-8 From Outer Space” revealed!
A while back, I had the opportunity to write a story for a new anthology based on an old movie. Let me correct myself. It was an old, bad movie. Not just any bad movie, but THE bad movie. The one that is so bad it has gotten awards for being the worst movie ever made, and because of that, has become a cult classic in the minds of people everywhere. Heck, they made a movie about the guy who made this movie because this movie was so bad, and this guy was so good at making bad movies and THAT movie even won an academy award. Strange, huh? A movie about a movie that is bad winning an academy award. Go figure.
Well, I’m not trying to keep any secrets here, since everyone can guess based on the title of this post what movie I’m talking about. It is Ed Wood Jr.’s classic Plan 9 from Outer Space. Tony Schaab, who runs Twinstar Media, as a huge fan of the movie and someone who is involved in the novelization of the script as well as a remake of the movie, came up with an intriguing question: if the movie shows what Plan 9 was from the aliens, which failed so miserably, what were their first 8 plans to conquer earth? Well, maybe not to conquer earth, but to prevent us from making a solarnite bomb. And if you don’t know what a solarnite bomb is, go look for Plan 9 on Youtube-you can watch the entire movie in all its wretched glory free of charge.
Thus was born the idea behind Before Plan 9: Plans 1-8 From Outer Space. I’m proud to be a part of this project and to have the chance to pay homage to one of the worst movies of all time with what I hope isn’t one of the worst short stories of all time, heh. My little story has the honor of being Plan 1, if you can believe it! It is entitled: Plan 1 from the Lesser-Heralded Parts of The Odyssey. Yep, these aliens have been bugging us humans since the days of Greek heroes like Odysseus.
Here is the full table of contents:
- Plan Zero from the Mesozoic Era by Tony Schaab
- Plan 1 from the Lesser-Heralded Parts of The Odyssey by Patrick D’Orazio
- Plan 2 from Ancient Egypt by D.A. Chaney
- Plan 3 from the Middle Ages of Hamelin by Greg Carter
- Plan 4 from the Clockwork Country by Tonia Brown
- Plan 5 from the Depressing Depression by David Dunwoody
- Plan 6 from the Nazi Regime by Rob Silvera
- Plan 7 from Sin City by Jonathan Maberry
- Plan 8 from the Fantastic Fifties, Phase 1 by Craig DiLouie
- Plan 8 from the Fantastic Fifties, Phase 2 by Joe McKinney and Michael McCarty
“Live and Let Undead” is available on Amazon!
Live and Let Undead, an anthology with my tale “Legacy,” has been released and is now available over on Amazon. Just click the cover image and you’ll be heading over there so you can check it out for yourself.
I am really excited about this anthology. The story I wrote was truly inspired, and I wrote the first draft faster than any other story I’ve written. I loved the concept of this anthology: the idea of zombies not being the enemy, but being our domestic servants, much like you’ll find in the movie Fido. Of course, I suspect there were a lot of different takes on this particular concept. My story is certainly not what you might expect, or at least I hope not!
I think that any true zombie fan will love this one, and should give it a shot. Check out the description from the back cover, including the list of authors who contributed to this collection. I’m sure you’ll recognize a name or two on the list…or several.
The Zombie-pocalypse is real! Loved ones are returning from the grave in search of flesh and brains! Humans are running scared!
Aren’t they?
Here, rather than shooting them in the head, eighteen talented authors have figured out how to put the Undead to work. Zombies can now be contributing members to society once more.
Looking for some customer service help? ”Operators” from AM Burns, has just the call center crew for you. Need road repairs? Check out the workers in Mike Baretta’s “Memorial Day.” How about a solution for all those bombs, drugs, and other nasty stuff crossing through our seaports? Matt Adams’ Sparky can take care of it in “Sparky Save The World.”
These stories, and others, from authors-
Rebecca Snow
Keith Gouveia
Barry Rosenberg
Suzanne Robb
Patrick D’Orazio
Janet Tait
JW Schnarr
Brian Johnson
Steve Ruthenbeck
Daniel Robichaud
Brook Fabian
Jeff Chitty
HE Roulo
Peter Giglio
and
Eric Juneau
-will have you wishing for a zombie of your own.
Maybe…
Review of Z Magazine-the first magazine written by zombies for zombies
I was provided Z Magazine for review purposes and I was blown away by it. For anyone who is a fan of zombies, this is one of those items that goes into the collection and more than likely gets put in an airtight plastic bag so you can save it for years to come. The creators of this magazine, one of which is Eloise Knapp, who wrote the very entertaining 
The Undead Situation, did an incredible job. I typically try to avoid gushing when it comes to a review of zombie related material, but I can’t say that I have ever seen something quite like this. The magazine is full sized (a bit over 8 1/2″ by 11″) and every last bit of it, down to the advertisements and want ads (plus personals, etc) are zombie related. This is truly a magazine for the undead…and fans of the undead, with advice on how zombies can interact with the living in social situations, recipes to spice up that brain tartar, inspirational tales including how Z’s can be for Jesus, job suggestions for the undead, and a big spread on zombie models and fashion. The magazine is chock full of much more, and each page was a delight to check out.
My understanding is that Eloise Knapp is studying graphic design in college currently, and if this is what she has to show for her efforts thus far, she has a very prosperous career ahead of her, along with her writing talent taking her places as well.
You can get Z Magazine over at Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Magazine-First-Written-Zombies/dp/B0062FUSRM/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1324759690&sr=1-1
Zombidays-Festivities of the Flesheaters, has been released!
This one was a long time coming, but I am thrilled to announce the release of the anthology, Zombidays, Fesitivities of the Flesheaters, from Library of the Living Dead. These stories revolve around the undead (naturally…er, I mean, unnaturally) with different holidays as the backdrop for each story (Ho! Ho!…Ho?). My story, “What A Fool Believes” has to do with…you guessed it: April Fool’s Day! Nothing better than prankster zombies!
This anthology is already up on Amazon, so check it out there. You can head on over by clicking on the picture below. I myself am looking forward to diving into all the different tales from a slew of great authors who know how to craft a good zombie story. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with mixing zombies with firecrackers, Halloween candy, or a few candy canes! Just shove an Easter Egg in to each of their eyes…it might not kill ’em, but it’ll sure blind them!
So give it a look, and buy a few copies as stocking stuffers for Christmas…or even to give the kiddees rather than candy on that holiday coming up in a few days…but you better hurry if you wanna do that! But I would prepare for your house to be egged, because this book is full of tricks…well, and a few treats as well, heh.
Patrick D'Orazio's Blog 